Order of the Puns
by PowerOfFail
Summary: Just as the title reads: an Order meeting with puns, executed, of course, by Fred and George. Other characters include: Molly, Ron, Gin, Dumbles, Lupin, Snape, Bill, Fleur, Tonks, Arthur, and Lee.


Rain pummeled the ground as it pelted to earth from the grey clouds above. The only sounds heard outside the security of the oddly-shaped house was the even rhythm of _pitter patter, pitter patter_ of the raindrops as they fell in their steady, unceasing dissent as the storm raged on.

The wind howled and tried to cut through the home, trying to steal the warmth of the fire within on the night that was oddly cold for so late in June. The wind was unsuccessful in spiriting away the comfort the hearth provided.

Inside the house held up by magic, people were speaking to one another in quiet tones or milling about, holding a cup of steaming hot chocolate in their hands as they attempted to warm up from the commute to the temporary base of the Order of the Phoenix.

'Oh, where are they? They were to be here half an hour ago!' said a plump woman with vivid red hair anxiously.

'They'll be here, Mum, quit worrying,' commented a lanky boy with equally fiery hair.

'You know they just enjoy vexing you,' said the boy's sister, looking up from their intense game of chess, 'they're probably late on purpose; either that or they're working on an experiment.'

Their mother nodded then walked over to the window, wringing her hands slightly, muttering, 'but I wish they would come _on time_. These days it's not safe…'

Just then, two cracks could barely be made out through the howling of the wind before being silenced by the ongoing rain. Two redheads, obviously kin to the brother, sister, and mother inside, appeared before the front door. Without hesitation, the one on the left pushed the door open. They were immediately met by many wands pointed in their direction.

The foremost of the two held up his hands and smiled before saying, 'it's just us!'

'Honestly, surely you remember us, Gred and Forge! Mum, have you really forgotten your own _sons_? I mean we moved out, but…' said the second of the two with a slight shake of his head.

'You have come late. We have reasonable cause to demand that you answer—' began a tall Auror near the stairs.

'Ah, but Kingsley, who would impersonate George? Think of the face they would have to live with if they decided to infiltrate the Order as_ him_.' Interrupted the first twin.

'You have the same face as me, dolt, so they might as well try getting in as you as well. Besides, two Death Eaters trying to take on a majority of the Order stand a better chance than one alone.' commented George.

'Personally,' said the girl, 'I think that if they were Death Eaters, they'd have attacked first before trying to justify themselves. After all, if they thought you suspected who they were…' she let her sentence trail, waited a moment, then said, 'But then, no one could impersonate their stupidity this well, it _must_ be them.'

'Thanks, Gin, I knew we could count on you for back up.' Fred replied dryly.

'I s'ppose when you put it that way…' said a woman with dull mousey-brown hair.

'Glad to know what the Order thinks of us, Tonks. Now, if we could come in before we catch a cold and die of it?' George said, adding a little sniffle to the end of his sentence for emphasis.

Wands were hastily put away as the twins made their way inside. They made sure to make a show of shaking their heads and send water flying in all directions as well as to wring out the sleeves of their robes while bouncing up and down so everyone could hear the squish-squelsh of the water in their shoes. This went on for a while before Ron suggested that they just use their wands to dry themselves.

They retorted by asking him how he planned to spy on the Order meeting that evening.

Mrs. Weasley promptly sent Ron and Ginny to the upper floors so they couldn't overhear the conversations that took place. Nobody doubted that would be a futile move on Mrs. Weasley's part.

The meeting did not begin for quite a few minutes after that, as no one had anywhere else to be. There were no errands to run or missions to be done, so everyone was enjoying the chance to relax and chat with friends before getting into the reason for their being there.

That is, of course, until the words, 'We call this meeting to _Order_,' were heard throughout the room. Everyone turned their attention to the fireplace where the twins were standing, having brandished their wands to send out sparks and get everyone's attention.

'Is there something you wish to say, Mr. Weasley, and Mr. Weasley?' Dumbledore asked politely.

'No, but we figured the meeting should begin...' Fred answered.

'Well, that and we would like to make an _Order._' George continued

'An order?' Hestia Jones repeated, 'What would this order be?'

'Mum…could you bring us some hot chocolate?' Fred asked sheepishly.

'Please?' George added.

'No.' Mrs. Weasley replied.

'Ah, well, in that case, everything is in _Order_. Except, you know, the War…' Fred said with a slight shrug. He waved his wand once, conjuring a chair, then flopped down into it before glancing at George, a smug grin on his face; he received a thumbs up from George in return. The rest of the Order missed the exchange – except, perhaps, for Dumbledore.

However, due to the Order's misinterpretation of Fred's intended pun, the meeting officially began with a discussion on what was currently going wrong with the war and suggestions on how to fix it.

The twins zoned out for a while as the conversation plowed on. They were really just errand-boys. The rest of the Order felt that they were to young and to irresponsible to actually go on missions, so they got the job of carrying messages from one member to the other, even though they could have just as easily done it themselves with a Patronus. It was nice that the Order tried to make them feel useful, such as when Lupin turned to George and said, 'What is your opinion, George?'

For a moment George could only stare at him with a blank face, having not been paying attention at all. He glanced at his twin before saying, 'We think it'd be a huge gamble.'

'Yeah, and we're not ready to roll the _die_ yet.' Fred finished. (Pun intended, of course.)

The rest of the Order again missed the pun, except for Mad-Eye Moody who began belittling them for being in the Order when they were afraid to take risks. Bill cut him off by citing their age as a reasonable excuse, after all, everyone else in the Order was well over their age, and after a few minutes of bickering the previous discussion was continued, now with the added factor of just how big a gamble the Order's plan would actually be.

George looked at Fred again, relief on his face that what he had said had been an appropriate answer, but there was also a glimmer of mischief in his eye as he offered a congratulatory smirk to Fred for a well-executed pun.

A few minutes later, the twins winging skills were once again put to the test, this time as Bill asked his little brothers, 'What do you think of it? We need to hear everyone's opinion on this one, particularly yours.'

This time neither of them could think of a legitimate answer, so George said, 'Ah, think about what, exactly?'

'The Death Eaters are putting up false Grims everywhere, attempting to scare everyone.' Mr. Weasley informed them patiently.

'Well, what a _grim_ situation!' Fred exclaimed at the same moment George said, 'What _grim_ news this is!'

The twins turned to each other then shrugged and said together, 'Well, there are just so many _grim_ puns to choose from!'

'Or, you know, you could just not choose at all?' Bill offered. The twins rolled their eyes in his direction.

'Yes, anyway, the rest of us feel that this is something you two would do, so we thought that you two could offer some suggestions on how best to handle the situation.' Kingsley said.

'Huh. I thought we _did_ do that at some point…' Fred muttered to himself.

'You _did_.' McGonagall growled at him. George laughed and said, 'Oh yeah, you're right, we did…Good times, goooood times. So, here's what we do…' And together, he and Fred came up with a practical solution to the problem, with a bit of help from Lupin, who, as a Marauder, had experience with these types of things as well.

After that they tuned into the conversations every now and again, just so they weren't caught off-guard by any more random questioning. When they started listening next, the conversation was on the movements of Death Eaters.

Suddenly Fred smacked his hand on the table and said, 'Hey, George, what would a restaurant owned by a Death Eater be called?'

George frowned thoughtfully for a moment before saying, 'A _die_ner!'

'Right in one!' Fred cheered, almost daring to add, _Snape could tell us_, but he wasn't that bold.

A small chuckle ran through the room as the members of the Order attempted to stifle their laughter at their colleague Severus Snape's expression in response to this jest.

There was a small cough from Lupin, drawing everyone back to the movements of Voldemort's troops, though everyone could see he was smiling as he said, 'Does everyone remember the news that Hagrid brought to us a few months back? Do you think Voldemort has managed to get more Giants on his side? Severus, is there a chance he's recruited more creatures, other than just Giants?'

'If He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named recruits more creatures to his army, we might have a _giant_ problem' Fred commented lazily

'Thank you, Mr. Weasley, but we do not need your two cents.' Snape said, easily dismissing Fred's comment.

'Wouldn't it be: we don't need your two _sickles_?' George asked, genuinely curious.

'Unless you were the Dark Lord, then it'd be: I don't need your _scents_.' Fred said to his brother.

'Yes, the Dark Lord's lack of a nose aside—' was as far as Snape got before he was cut off…

'George, knock, knock.'

'Who is there?'

'I nose.'

'I nose who?'

'I nose who doesn't have one!'

At that the entire Order began laughing with the exception of Snape and Mrs. Weasley. Even Dumbledore could be heard chuckling softly. The twins high-fived under the table and smiled triumphantly…before catching the reproving glare from their mother that immediately turned their smiles into grimaces.

'I do not know, Lupin,' Snape said loudly, attempting to regain control of the situation, 'if the Dark Lord has managed to recruit any more creatures. He has said no word of his movements involving anyone or thing but Muggles and Wizards, most specifically Potter.'

This announcement made everyone fall silent. They turned to look at Snape, all smiles having vanished. Finally, Moody said, 'and what are those plans involving Potter, eh?'

'I'm not sure what those could be, but I have no doubt it'll end up a rather _Harry_ situation.' Fred murmured to George, just loud enough for everyone to hear.

That cracked a few smirks here and there, and did a bit to lessen the dread felt by the members of the Order as the reminder of their responsibility caused the morose reality of the war to occupy their thoughts once more.

'I do not know the plans involving Potter as of yet, Alastor, but I believe the Dark Lord plans to reveal them soon.' Severus replied, calmly ignoring the twins as he had done for the last seven years as their Potions Master.

'What is Pettigrew doing?' Kingsley asked, 'Has he thought about his debt to Harry, and if he has, can we use it somehow?'

'No. Pettigrew is at my disposal at the moment. I suspect that the Dark Lord has placed him in my care to spy on me, no doubt. He most probably doubts my loyalty.' Snape said, glancing around the table, daring someone to say '_I don't blame him_.' The twins managed to restrain themselves, surprisingly.

Instead, George commented on Pettigrew's status with Snape as appointed by Voldemort, 'Well, I doubt Wormtail had a _hand_ in that plan.'

'I guess the early bird gets the Wormtail in this case,' Fred said, 'Professor Snape must have had a say in who his servant was. After all, I'm sure You-Know-Who has other minions he needs to spy on, so he gave his most-least trusted double-agent first choice.'

'Indeed.' George agreed before saying, 'So does that mean when we sent you that letter, Professor, Wormtail had to retrieve it?'

'I bet Hermes bit him, and when he did, Wormtail h_ow_led.' Fred said, recalling past experiences with Percy's ill-natured bird.

'Those _ow_ls. They're such a _hand_ful.' George continued.

'Yeah, I'm sure—' Fred started to say before Tonks cut him off by saying, 'No more hand puns!'

'Yes, we must continue the meeting and actually get something done!' McGonagall said severely, glaring at her former students.

'But everyone knows that Ron and Ginny are listening right now, and if you don't want them to find out the secret information, the only way to do it is to—' Fred began before Mr. Weasley interrupted tiredly, 'Don't even try to talk yourself out of that one, son, just be quiet.'

'If you're not, then I shall send the both of you to your room!' Mrs. Weasley threatened.

'Ah, but Molly,' Dumbledore said patiently, 'I hate to get between family, but they are of Age, surely you cannot _Order_ them around.'

Everyone turned to look at Dumbledore, mouths agape, even dignified Snape. Finally Fleur managed to articulate, 'Professor Dumblydore, was zat a…what do you call zem? A play on words? A…a pun?'

However, it was George who answered her question, 'It definitely was, and it was definitely brilliant!'

'If I were a Hogwarts Professor, Professor, I would break any rules that limit how many points you can give any individual.' Fred said admiringly.

The rest of the Order was shell-shocked. They had expected Dumbledore to put a stop to the ridiculous pun making, but instead he had joined in. It took a moment, but eventually the shock dissipated, and the members began smiling appreciatively, sharing a bit of a joke in a time of war where laughter was rarely heard and smiles were unusual, a sight few and far between.

There was no way Dumbledore could have known the words that Harry had told to Fred and George a year ago as he handed over the start-up money for the shop, but he did know that a bit of joy was needed in the struggle to win against Voldemort, both for the fighters and for the victims.

There was another reason the twins were in the Order: they weren't there to just run messages, but to help remind the others of what they were fighting for, and that there was hope in the world. In time they would grow mature enough to take part in missions, but for now, they were completing the one that Dumbledore had secretly assigned them when allowing them to join, whether they knew it or not, and they were completing their mission quite wonderfully…

* * *

A few weeks later, a bright and sunny afternoon found Fred and George standing in their shop, speaking with their friend Lee Jordan who had recently been accepted into the Order.

'So we spent the entire meeting making puns and interrupting everything. It's not like much was going to get done at that meeting anyway, we don't have much headway against Voldemort, but George and I decided the Order needed to take themselves a little less seriously.' Fred was saying as George began putting a poster up in the window.

'Yeah, after the meeting Mum drew us aside and started getting into a tirade about making fun of Voldemort and how we shouldn't do it and stuff. We tried to head her off early, but Dad supported her, and even Bill joined in. Ron and Ginny just sat there smirking their heads off. Cheeky buggers.' George commented.

'Hm. If you two don't stop making fun of Voldemort, your mum will kill you.' Lee said surmised.

'We figured as much, but ah well, that's what you said about us quitting in the middle of seventh year, and George and I are still breathing.' Fred said brightly.

'Right. I'll see you tomorrow, then, if you're convinced you'll still be alive. I've got an interview for a radio station.' Lee said before leaving the shop.

The next morning when Lee stopped by the twins shop, he caught sight of the poster that George had been putting up that afternoon when he had left. He read the sign that flashed impressively bright, flooding the grey street before the store with royal purple and shimmering gold.

Lee's mouth fell open as he looked from the sign to the front door. He shook his head thoughtfully at his friend's immaturity, his dreadlocks bouncing back and forth as he said under his breath, 'U-No-Poo? They are _so_ dead…'

* * *

**::A/N:: **So I definetly still _Don't Own Harry Potter_ or anything. =O  
Ah man, HBP in July, I'm pretty excited, but I'm glad I got this done. Procrastinated on it for 10 WHOLE MONTHS. Crazy shire, mate. Craaaazy shire.  
Anyway, errrr. I get that F&G _probably_ wouldn't be that obnoxious during an Order meeting, but WHATEV. The world needs some humour, and puns = humour. (though I'm not sure the _Order_ puns at the beginning were technical puns, but y'know...good try.)  
Hmm. It takes a good author to write humour, anyone can write imagery.  
Those are my two cents for the day.


End file.
